Self-Care is essential

I am the Legal Services Program Director at WISE, in Lebanon, NH. This means that I oversee WISE’s expanded Legal Services Program as well as provide direct services in Immigration Legal Services for survivors of gender-based violence. The clients I work with are survivors of trauma, and are often in vulnerable situations. They might not have the ability to work or drive, or even open a bank account. They might be without proof of legal status in the U.S. This makes it very difficult to exit an abusive relationship, as it creates a barrier to seeking help in any way. Often, there is a fear of authorities, including law enforcement, health care providers, and others, such as school staff and educators.

Over the years, I have learned that one of the most important ways I can help my clients is to be present for them, rather than telling them what to do. I know ‘being present’ is a term that gets used a lot, but for me, it means listening without judgement. When I do that, I can better hear the perspective and wishes of the other person. I might have developed experience practicing immigration law with survivors of gender-based violence, but that does not mean I know what is best for each survivor. I might know what options are available under the law, but I do not know what they need to feel safer, or what their goals are. Only they know, and it may not be what I expected. I think that when I practice better listening, I am also a better advocate. I also believe that this approach causes my job to be less stressful—because I am not pressured to always know what’s right in every situation. Instead, it’s a process that I work through with my clients. And, having amazing co-workers helps!

For my own health, I like to be physically active, so the things I do for myself usually include some kind of exercise, ideally outdoors. The fresh air works wonders, as far as I can tell. I also really enjoy creative endeavors, like crafting—the less structured, the better ????. Sometimes I end up with works of art, sometimes just stuff to recycle!

If you encounter someone who you believe might be experiencing abuse, or might be in a vulnerable situation, remember that you don’t have to have all of the answers. WISE is always available by calling 866-348-WISE (9473) or chatting online through the website wiseuv.org. WISEuv is our handle on Instagram, and there are some great posts there about what you can do if someone in your life is in an abusive relationship. Listening is key, as well asking what they want or need from you, and knowing how you can get support.